Your divorce could become your superpower.
My parents were not in a happy marriage all through my childhood.
I remember waking up in the middle of the night.
Drowsy at the first moment. I only saw light coming through the door half-closed.
It was like my hearing sense was still sleeping. Or maybe it was a defence mechanism, protecting me from hearing the words and screaming of my parents. Those words were sharp and painful. Pierced my heart. I was frightened. I cried.
I remember trying to close my eyes and sleep. But I couldn’t. I thought, what would happen if I would go there and tell them that I am awake? But I was too scared.
My parents forgot how to be happy. How to be in tune with who they are. How to claim their power. How to say NO. How to listen to themselves and use their intuition. They wanted to live their dream, but were living their nightmare instead.
I don‘t want that for your child. I don‘t want that for you.
I know I am who I am because of that. But I would never want any child to go through this in his/her life. They don‘t deserve it! For a very long time, I wasn’t able to have a healthy relationship, because my model of relationships was based on the model of the marriage of my parents.
I didn’t believe in LOVE. I didn’t believe that your husband/partner could support you, talk to you, understand you at the same time. I didn’t know your husband could actually be your best friend. I didn’t believe you could grow and develop personally with your husband/partner.
Sometimes divorce isn’t a bad decision at all.
Remember that your children learn by modelling. Think how they feel if there is a constant tension between their parents. Try to imagine the fear that forms up elevating your child’s heartbeat every time you two are fighting. Imagine the tension and stress your child feels when you are not talking to your husband,
Sometimes we evolve and develop in different directions. Parenting and marriage is a path of personal growth and development. Sometimes you realise you are not the person you always pretended to be, being a puppet of all the people around you. Because you were taught to live such a life. Somewhere on this path you might have broke free and allowed yourself to be who you are and your partner hasn’t. Maybe you just realised that you are not a fit for each other. This doesn’t mean you need to fight and carry on, because a successful marriage is the one that lasts. Why would you prolong your suffering?
What is remaining in an unhappy marriage costing you? What is being miserable costing you?
What is that costing your children growing up in such conditions?
You matter. Your happiness matters. If you want to put your kids first is such a situation, you need to put yourself first at first.
You were not born to this world to be miserable. You were born to be happy and unstoppable. You were born with a mission. You were born to live and establish your dreams. You were born to break free and live your innermost potential to the fullest. You were born to realise your inner brilliance. You were born to show that brilliance to this world. You were born to experience and get to and moving towards their be all of that and your child too.
My point is sharing this isn’t promoting divorce at all cost, but sometimes for a child not divorcing is even harder and more destructive as divorce itself. Especially if you divorce in a nice way, explaining everything to your child. Even if you are sad, it is ok. Don’t hide your emotions. This is life. A lot of times adults suffer because they are unable to name and identify what kind of an emotion they are feeling. Express your emotions but don’t go into the position of a victim. Don’t blame. Remember you have that innate inner power and wisdom inside. Don’t forget that. Manage your mind and don’t let your thoughts mislead you. CHOOSE to step out of the contaminated camp, where people forgot they can be up to great things and are committed to blame and are embodying heaviness and despair, instead of breaking free of the limitations and moving towards their greatness.
In parenting, everything comes down to who you are. Even in an unpleasant situation like a divorce, you get to be the best possible version of yourself. It is how you will show up to this world even in such situations is what matters most.
Who do you get to be because of your divorce?
Thinking and living life In such a way is empowering. It is transformational. It shows what kind of a leader of your life you get to become. Remember you are a BOSS, a CEO of your life. In such a way even your divorce will become your SUPERPOWER and you will end up being a better parent. No, best possible parent and an empowered person. And what is more, a great role model for your child!
Tina B, MD